All us women know what the "world" expects us to look like. Impossibly perfect. Thin, blemish-free, every hair in place, wrinkle-free clothes, and the list goes on, getting more and more impossible as it lengthens. The older my daughters get the more this bothers me. For whatever reason this "image issue" has only annoyed me. Honestly, I've always been quite bitter about it. Never felt enslaved by it or drawn to join in, I imagine it has a lot to do with the fact that my parents didn't put a lot of weight on looks when we were growing up. They were always quick to tell us how pretty we looked and help us have nice clothes for a special occasion. But more importantly, I don't remember my mom spending hours in front of her reflection "fixing" what God had given her. I imagined that she was pretty average in her pursuit of looking nice and tried to follow suit. Now, I don't know, maybe those of us that spend 5-10 minutes fixing our hair or puting on make-up are in the minority.
Darby has started saying that she is embarassed by her hair or "spots" on her skin when she is at school. She told me she goes to the bathroom and wets her hair throughout the day to keep it under control. Lord knows, He gave her my hair and I can relate!! And I don't believe she is obsessing about it, but still this little alarm is going off in my head that is telling me to nip this quick! If my seven year old, who's skin IS perfect is already worried about "spots" on it, then what do the teenage years hold? Our girls need a foundation, and quick, to fight off the "world's" perception of what they should look like! And we, as Christ following mamas, need to stick together on this! A quick story as to why I say this: We visited a church a few years ago (can't even remember where we were living at the time) and my eye was quickly drawn to a woman who was dressed to perfection, her hair was perfectly dyed and straight, clothes perfectly clean, lots of make-up, and a skirt that was dangerously short. As I said, this annoyed me. Now, this is my issue and something I need to be more gracious about, but just looking at her, I wanted to shake her and say "Stop trying so hard! God made you perfect the way you are under all that!!" But things just got worse because during worship, she moved toward the front and over a bit (until she was in front of the teenage boy's group) and then danced all through the worship service provacitively(not just swaying, people! I mean provocatively!!!), with the short skirt on. It is my fault that I let this distract me, but it only got worse when later during the sermon we found out she was the pastor's wife. sigh. We didn't go back to the church and biblically, I should've emailed or written a letter sharing my issues with this. Because the bible does command us as sisters (and brothers) in Christ to encourage and hold eachother accountable to do the right thing. But, truely, I need sisters in Christ to help me show my daughters that looks are not numero uno! I can not and will not expect the "world" to get this and act like us. We are different, we should be different. Sooo, what to do. First, I have always been careful to not go on and ON about how beautiful my girls are. EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE!!! I mean, they are gorgeous, and they know this is Robert and I's opinion, it's just not something I want to become the main topic of conversation in the house. We need to focus on their attitudes and heart more than their outward appearances. If I spend more time fixing their hair than teaching them the proper way to act and love for people, then I am teaching them that my priorities are the same as the "world's". If they see me spend an hour in front the mirror complaining about every little flaw on my skin or my hair (I know, that's laughable now that I have locks) trying desperatly to fix those issues, and then whipping out a compact every 30 minutes to retouch or check my reflection, then what priorities am I teaching them?? And not only the daughters, but our sons! What kind of woman will he grow up to seek as a wife? Now this is not to say that we shouldn't care about our appearance at all. But, more of WHY do we care about our appearance? Is it so that people around us will compliment us or want to be like us or accept us. Is it to cover up a deep psychological issue of never feeling like "enough"? Jesus makes us "enough"! We are trying to measure up to the "world's" standards, not God's. The Word says, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." This is my hope for myself, my girls, and my son's future wife. It's my hope and prayer for all my sisters in Christ. Instead, when I dress, I think of what will please my husband. Which to be honest, is QUITE different then the world says! Because I happen to be married to a unique man. The other day we went out on a date and I wore blue jeans (his favorite) and a pink maternity shirt (which he has also complimented on in the past) and my sneakers. Which were an accident to be honest! I forgot to put prettier shoes on, but after our date, this is what Robert said, " You look really nice tonight. And I love that you wore your sneakers because it gives you this look of 'not caring'"!!! Ha!! He is so different!! He keeps me on my toes! Which makes me wonder, if all married women adorned themselves with a good attitude for God and wore clothes that their hubby liked on them, would there even BE fads? I mean, how different would we ALL look?! Granted, some hubbies don't care what you wear, but mine certainly does! ; ) And I definatly like to wear something I love too! I'm not even going to touch plastic surgery because then I will sin in my anger! You will see me ranting and raving and that is NOT "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit"!! Lol!! So I will dodge that topic until I am feeling less protective of my daughters and more controlled with my tongue! : )
2 Comments
Mary K
3/9/2011 09:35:26 am
Daniel and I were just talking about this! We both remember being told that certain physical qualities would be so incredible when we got older and remembering when we realized that that wasn't necessarily the case. We put so much pressure on kids to become this idealized celebrity-type. It's my "thing" too :) we are more than boobs and legs!
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Nikki
3/9/2011 12:50:00 pm
AMEN! Bring it!
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