You can ask my husband. I say waaay too often, "It all comes back to parenting." I say this for everything. Truly, I believe that all our problems come back to a need in our heart for salvation through Jesus Christ. But after that?! IT ALL COMES BACK TO PARENTING! So here is my thoughts on one of my big lessons my kids hear all the time.
"Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble." 1 Peter 3:8 "To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some." 1 Corinthians 9:22 The bible says we should care for the weak. I know as adults we think of this as giving to the poor, caring for children and orphans, homeless, handicapped, etc. But what does this mean for our children? Who is weaker than my four year old? (Well, actually I have a four year old made of nails, so that might be a bad example! Ha!) When Darby was a toddler and I took her to the park I quickly developed a pet peeve for the older kids. And I mean ALL older kids. I NEVER saw an older kid at the park that wouldn't happily run over a two year old in a goal of going down the slide first. Without looking back, without saying sorry, in fact, I don't even know if the big kids even saw the toddlers! And good luck teaching your 18 month or 2 year old to stand up for themselves against big kids! Even my tough and nails four year old wouldn't stand up to a 7 year old that shoved passed her and say, "HEY! Watch yourself!" I mean, it's easy to teach them to stand up for themselves against other children their age, but they have an awe and respect for these big kids! So I spent a good while being angry at the kids, and then I pulled out my faithful, "It all comes back to parenting!" mantra and started seething against the moms and dads of these kids. To this day I can honestly say I don't ever remember going to the park and seeing a nice older kid. We just tried to go during the school day and stay on the smaller stuff so as to keep Darby safer. I spent a good long while being angry and then was given the conviction to creat in my child that big kid that IS nice. Everytime she would be rolled over by a big kid I would talk to her about it. "Wow! That was really rude. Big kids should take care of little kids, not shove them out of the way." And as she got older I would try to put her in circumstances where she could practice being the nice bigger kid. For instance, when she was four, going to play near an 18 month old. Allowing the 18 month old to go first down the slide. Climbing the stairs slowly behind the toddler so that you don't throw them off balance! Darby was exceptional at this because she is naturally sooo deeply compassionate! And I was so proud of her! Now I'm teaching the same thing to her little sister, Nail Girl, or Fighter Girl, if you ask her! She's harder to learn the lesson because she is less compassionate. But isn't this SO important for us to teach our children?! Isn't this a horrible trend in our country? These bully big kids who think of nothing but themselves getting to the slide first grow up to be bully adults who think of nothing but their own gain, their own wealth, and their own success! It's not cute! Even when they are 4 or 5! "Oh!! Honey, look at Junior! He's a regular steam roller, can't stop him!" Wanna bet?! He can and must be stopped! It's not cute and it's not okay to ignore as a parent either. I honestly, don't think these kids are trying to be mean! I think they don't SEE these little kids (most of them anyway). We have to teach them to look and see the weaker ones around them. Sometimes all it takes is saying, "Woah!!! Junior! Stop! Look in front of you! There is a little girl there, slow down and wait your turn." When I have said this to my kids they glance down and look shocked, as if they didn't even realise! They just needed it pointed out to them. And my kids will tell you they hear, "Take care of those that are weaker than you." VERY often! Kids gotta hear these things a lot before they remember sometimes. I'm not sharing this because I have any friends' kids in mind. My husband took Darby to six flags with her school for their end of the year field trip and he was telling me how awful the teenagers were there. Just running over the elementary aged kids. (There's always a bigger kid to run you over isn't there?) It reminded me of those days at the park, seeing my first born little toddler being run over by five year olds. Parents, PLEASE do your job and parent! Please, help us raise nice, compassionate adults! Don't sit on a bench ignoring your kid running over the little ones assuming it's "just a phase", because it isn't!
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This morning I needed to run to Lowe's to see about some compost for the new strawberry plant I bought. On the way Bryse asked if we could go to the mall and see the water fountain. I didn't have any other plans or appointments so I figured, why not? I used to do these types of outings with the kids often. Unnecessary, unhurried, and unscheduled. They are so wonderful! But it's been ages since we have, so we had fun! Granted, we go to the park and such, but especially here in Georgia, I don't enjoy the park much. The two summers we've been here I've been pregnant and the heat drives to me to distraction anyway! So I always end up rushing park visits because of heat and uncomfortablness. The mall is air conditioned! And something happened there that threw me deep into thought and I just had to share! : ) We got to the mall around 10:30 and hung out at the fountains. I emptied all my change and the kids threw coins non stop! Then we went into the mall and walked around a bit. We got some lunch. As a side note, I got some chinese and actually took the food back and asked for a refund! I have never done anything like that in my life! But it was AWFUL! I couldn't believe it! Then we meandered on down to The Children's Place to see about sun glasses for the kids. Cal and Bryse, my fair haired ones, especially need them. They go to sneezing and whining as soon as we are in the sun. But I went ahead and bought a pair for all the kids (and an extra pair for Cal knowing that the first pair wouldn't last long). Also, we spent about 10 minutes looking at the boy glasses because the only pair Cal liked was bright red and there was only one left and it was too small. I tried forever to get him to like another pair. No way! He wanted the little red pair! Gah! Finally right before I payed I said, "Oh Cal! We can't get these! They are baby glasses! You need big kid glasses! HERE! Here are some big kid glasses!" And shoved a pair of camo ones at him in his size. His eyes got big and he said "Bii Kii gasses?! Yeah!" Wow. Seriously, the simplisity of negotiating is amazing sometimes. Then we bought some cookies and went back to the fountain before we left. We ate our cookies admired the fountain and then came home for naptime. Also, another little simple trick I've learned when leaving somewhere that Cal doesn't exactly want to leave right then. "Say bye bye to the water Cal!" Any dawdling that has been occuring stops immeadiatly, he turns says bye to whatever inanimate object we are leaving and comes running! As opposed to grabbing him and carrying him kicking and screaming away. Although, I won't say it works everytime, but almost! This is why I think these types of outings are perfect. I'm not rushing anyone! The kids basically get to choose where we go and what we do. This is one of the main reasons why I try to keep our schedules as calm as possible! A hurried kid is a stressed kid! And to be honest, a hurrying mama is a stressed mama! We know that we all must at some point, but my goal is to keep it at a minimum. The reason why I love taking the kids to the mall is because there is much to see and little to spend. The reason why I love taking them there on a weekday is because there aren't many people there! : ) So I can allow them more freedom. If we are there and it's busy, then Cal and Bryse have to hold hands with an adult. But when it's calm we have a loose rule of, run on a head for 10-20 feet but check back behind you and wait up for us if we are too far behind. Cal doesn't understand that rule yet. So it's more of just reminding him to wait up. Or more often, like today, me just stopping, leaning up against a wall and watching Cal and Bryse chatter and point at whatever they have stopped at. Eventually they are ready to move on and they were safe the whole time. Two things I believe about keeping our children safe with us: 1) Give as much freedom as humanly possible while keeping them safe AND making sure they are polite to others around. 2) They learn how to act, are not forced to. In other words, there is a mom that wrote a book (haven't read it yet) and has a website called Raising Godly Tomatoes. I don't agree with everything she says, but still enjoy reading her stuff and finding little treasures. One thing she says is that SHE doesn't not hold her child's hand in the parking lot. Her CHILD holds her hand in the parking lot. So it's not, her clenching onto a screaming child's hand thru the parking lot. It's her child, seeing a parking lot is coming and going to her outstretched hand and grabbing hold. I LOVE this! And granted it's easier to teach with some children then others. Darby's lesson: She was about 18 months and I said, "Darby you have to hold mommy's hand in the parking lot because if you don't you may get hurt by a car." Her eyes got big and she willingly held my hand EVERY time from then on. easy!! Bryse's lesson: Talking about dangers didn't work so I repeated myself for about a month or two, "Bryse, hold mommy's hand in the parking lot or you have to be carried." Any resistance to willingly holding my hand meant that I scooped her up and carried her. It's like a prison sentence to a new walker to have to be carried!! AUGH! So after a couple of months she got the picture. ; ) Cal's lesson: Very similar to Bryse. Although, he's not 100% there, but almost. So knowing all this about me, here is what happened that shocked me today.
The kids were jogging up ahead of me, maybe 8 or so feet ahead. I was following and a little old lady stopped me and said, "I got screamed at for it, but I used harnesses with my little ones when they were that age. Every one thought I was so cruel, but they were safer that way! You should get some!" Does someone ever say something to you and it's so shocking that you can't comprehend what has just been said until after they walk away? That is what happened here. I smiled and nodded and as she walked away it sunk in what she said and I was shocked! Ha! My kids weren't screaming, they were being VERY well behaved and barely anyone was around. If i wanted them to stop all I had to say was their names and they came to a screaching hault! What is wrong with that? They seemed perfectly safe to me. Yeah, teaching and talking and drilling how to act into their head is a lot more work then putting a harness on them. But I've always viewed parenting as working yourself out of a job. So that is what I'm doing. Teaching them how to be safe without me having to stand on top of them. So, no, sweet lady, I will not be getting harnesses for my kids. : ) I'm glad they worked for you, but I'm not feelin' it. The End! |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
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