All us women know what the "world" expects us to look like. Impossibly perfect. Thin, blemish-free, every hair in place, wrinkle-free clothes, and the list goes on, getting more and more impossible as it lengthens. The older my daughters get the more this bothers me. For whatever reason this "image issue" has only annoyed me. Honestly, I've always been quite bitter about it. Never felt enslaved by it or drawn to join in, I imagine it has a lot to do with the fact that my parents didn't put a lot of weight on looks when we were growing up. They were always quick to tell us how pretty we looked and help us have nice clothes for a special occasion. But more importantly, I don't remember my mom spending hours in front of her reflection "fixing" what God had given her. I imagined that she was pretty average in her pursuit of looking nice and tried to follow suit. Now, I don't know, maybe those of us that spend 5-10 minutes fixing our hair or puting on make-up are in the minority.
Darby has started saying that she is embarassed by her hair or "spots" on her skin when she is at school. She told me she goes to the bathroom and wets her hair throughout the day to keep it under control. Lord knows, He gave her my hair and I can relate!! And I don't believe she is obsessing about it, but still this little alarm is going off in my head that is telling me to nip this quick! If my seven year old, who's skin IS perfect is already worried about "spots" on it, then what do the teenage years hold? Our girls need a foundation, and quick, to fight off the "world's" perception of what they should look like! And we, as Christ following mamas, need to stick together on this! A quick story as to why I say this: We visited a church a few years ago (can't even remember where we were living at the time) and my eye was quickly drawn to a woman who was dressed to perfection, her hair was perfectly dyed and straight, clothes perfectly clean, lots of make-up, and a skirt that was dangerously short. As I said, this annoyed me. Now, this is my issue and something I need to be more gracious about, but just looking at her, I wanted to shake her and say "Stop trying so hard! God made you perfect the way you are under all that!!" But things just got worse because during worship, she moved toward the front and over a bit (until she was in front of the teenage boy's group) and then danced all through the worship service provacitively(not just swaying, people! I mean provocatively!!!), with the short skirt on. It is my fault that I let this distract me, but it only got worse when later during the sermon we found out she was the pastor's wife. sigh. We didn't go back to the church and biblically, I should've emailed or written a letter sharing my issues with this. Because the bible does command us as sisters (and brothers) in Christ to encourage and hold eachother accountable to do the right thing. But, truely, I need sisters in Christ to help me show my daughters that looks are not numero uno! I can not and will not expect the "world" to get this and act like us. We are different, we should be different. Sooo, what to do. First, I have always been careful to not go on and ON about how beautiful my girls are. EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE!!! I mean, they are gorgeous, and they know this is Robert and I's opinion, it's just not something I want to become the main topic of conversation in the house. We need to focus on their attitudes and heart more than their outward appearances. If I spend more time fixing their hair than teaching them the proper way to act and love for people, then I am teaching them that my priorities are the same as the "world's". If they see me spend an hour in front the mirror complaining about every little flaw on my skin or my hair (I know, that's laughable now that I have locks) trying desperatly to fix those issues, and then whipping out a compact every 30 minutes to retouch or check my reflection, then what priorities am I teaching them?? And not only the daughters, but our sons! What kind of woman will he grow up to seek as a wife? Now this is not to say that we shouldn't care about our appearance at all. But, more of WHY do we care about our appearance? Is it so that people around us will compliment us or want to be like us or accept us. Is it to cover up a deep psychological issue of never feeling like "enough"? Jesus makes us "enough"! We are trying to measure up to the "world's" standards, not God's. The Word says, "Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." This is my hope for myself, my girls, and my son's future wife. It's my hope and prayer for all my sisters in Christ. Instead, when I dress, I think of what will please my husband. Which to be honest, is QUITE different then the world says! Because I happen to be married to a unique man. The other day we went out on a date and I wore blue jeans (his favorite) and a pink maternity shirt (which he has also complimented on in the past) and my sneakers. Which were an accident to be honest! I forgot to put prettier shoes on, but after our date, this is what Robert said, " You look really nice tonight. And I love that you wore your sneakers because it gives you this look of 'not caring'"!!! Ha!! He is so different!! He keeps me on my toes! Which makes me wonder, if all married women adorned themselves with a good attitude for God and wore clothes that their hubby liked on them, would there even BE fads? I mean, how different would we ALL look?! Granted, some hubbies don't care what you wear, but mine certainly does! ; ) And I definatly like to wear something I love too! I'm not even going to touch plastic surgery because then I will sin in my anger! You will see me ranting and raving and that is NOT "imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit"!! Lol!! So I will dodge that topic until I am feeling less protective of my daughters and more controlled with my tongue! : )
2 Comments
This is what Darby kept referring to last weekend as. She was so sweet! She kept saying, "Oh!! I can't wait for this weekend! Because you're going to get a vacation and time to rest and WE are going to get a Daddy weekend!"
So last weekend me and my girlfriend, Shlonda, went away for the weekend! It was wonderful! She proposed the idea a couple months ago and we chose Athens, GA because they have a natural baby store there. Actually I would just consider it a cloth diaper store. But anyway, it's the only one in Georgia, so that is where we went. We left Friday evening after Robert got off work and returned Sunday afternoon. We spent two nights in a nice, quiet hotel room with each of us our own queen sized bed with FOUR pillows a piece! : D It was lovely. We slept in (which for a mama of three children means we slept till about 8-8:30, AND IT WAS WONDERFUL!!), went downstairs to eat breakfast and then back up to our comfy beds, to lay and read. We only left our beds to eat (and sometimes not even then, hee hee), go to the natural baby store, and get a pedicure at a fancy organic spa. It was lovely. And back home Robert had a blast with the kids and them with him. He said he was glad that we went because it was good for them to have a weekend together and good for us mamas to get a rest. Next I feel the need to blog about raising our daughters and how to influence their self image in a world that sends ALL the wrong messages to little girls. But I gotta collect my thoughts on that first. : ) The words to use are escaping me at the moment. I'm pregnant. How's that? Pretty to the point and informative. Since this isn't just your average announcement of an addition to our family, but also loaded with extra thoughts, I will get started. I know that many people will wonder how I'm doing with this pregnancy and such. Since I don't wish to repeat myself over and over and it gets confusing to know if someone actually wants to know REALLY how I'm doing or is just being polite by asking, I will share my thoughts here. And if you wish to truely know, then read on. If not, then stop here and don't ask me in person. I talk to my husband and midwife about my feelings on a pretty regular basis and don't much feel like talking to anyone else about them. So, to start with, the facts:
I am in my 15th week of pregnancy. Our ETA is the end of August. As far as normal pregnancy issues go, I was nauseous about the same amount as I was with Jasper and Cal's pregnancies (not too horribly bad, didn't lose any weight). Same food aversions as well. Fatigue, you know, the normal pregnant stuff. We have talked about any changes that we feel we want to make with this pregnancy and haven't come up with any. I know some people might think that had we planned a hospital birth and seen a surgeon (OB) then maybe Jasper wouldn't have died. We disagree. Also, some others might believe that if we had had an ultrasound, maybe we could've saved Jasper. Considering I had a normal pregnancy, if I had seen an OB and done things "normally" we would've had an u/s around 20 weeks. Personally, I feel there is not enough proof that u/s can even detect the placement of the umbliical cord. And even if we did, that would've been 13 weeks before Jasper died. Babies die and are stillborn in hospitals, under the care of OBs everyday. When I went to the hospital I was told I was third within six weeks to have stillborn at that hosital. The only way Jasper life "may" have been saved was if I was checking his heartbeat 100% of the time so as to catch such a rare occurance. And even after losing him, I will not do that. So, in short, we are planning another homebirth and will not be having an u/s unless medically indicated. I don't feel like I need one for peace of mind either. Yet. I mean, any of this could change, but so far has not. For more of the reasons why we don't do routine u/s see my previous post: http://coffmanfamily.weebly.com/1/post/2010/03/why-we-do-what-we-do.html Now, emotionally. I found out I was pregnant the day we left for our christmas vacation. I was quite happy. Not excited, but very happy. I waited 5 days to tell Robert but had NO need or urge to tell anyone else. I didn't want to. So we didn't. I, ofcourse, texted my midwife and told her and eventually did tell a couple of close friends that see me on a regular basis and would notice a difference in my behavior (illness, weight gain, etc). Also, I trusted these friends to be encouraging. I think it's a darn shame that once you have more than three children and you get pregnant again, some people act as if you have a plague. "Good grief! When are y'all gonna stop?!" or other rude comments. And having heard a few of them while pregnant with Jasper and then him dying, I'm even more sensitive to the comments. I don't wish to hear them and pity those that have that attitude about babies. But that is a post for another day. Sooo, I didn't want to tell anyone. To be 100% honest, if I could, I would give birth to this baby and THEN tell everyone! Ha! But I can't. And since I am starting to show it is ridiculous to keep it a secret any longer. Saturday night Robert and I stayed up and talked about my apprehensiveness in sharing about the pregnancy and afterward I went to sleep only to have repeated nightmares about the baby dying. So there is obviously some emotional stuff going on here, but I can't exactly define it or explain it. I feel physicaly pregnant, but not emotionally pregnant. If that makes sense. I have frequented Molly Piper's blog in the last several months. And she experienced PPD and PTSD after having her next baby after her stillborn baby. Some call the next baby the "rainbow baby" because it's the rainbow after the storm. Which seems nice and I think that sometimes, but other times I hate to refer to Jasper's life in a negative light. Yes, there was a storm, and still is some, but anyway, I'm torn on that term. Rainbow baby, but I do use it either way! ; ) Sooo, evidentaly I have read that a lot of women experience some pretty serious emotional and psychological issues only after their rainbow baby is born. This scares me. I've never experienced PPD or even minimal baby blues! I've always felt like a rock star when I have a newborn. And while I know I will do whatever precautions I can after and before this baby is born, I know it might not be enough. So that is a fear. I have experienced some good closure since I found out I was pregnant. So that has been good. I'm also huge. I mean, I was still 10 pound heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight when I got pregnant this time. It's the first time that I haven't lost all my weight yet! So will I gain the same amount as I usually do?! Or will I stop at my normal full term weight?! So many questions that can't be answered yet. ; ) |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
Categories
All
|