When I was in highschool I broke both of my big toes. It's amazing how little you can walk when you have no use of those tiny little appendages. Well, fast forward to last Tuesday.... When we got home from Kansas City after Bryse's surgery I went straight to my friend's house and picked Darby up, drove through Sonic for the kids' dinner and went home. I unloaded the van of all Darby, Cal, Deakin, the diaper bag, my purse, the sonic food, Darby's backpack, her scooter she took to her friend's house, and all the hospital stuff and threw all that on the lawn. Byrse was still pretty out of it and needed to be carried in the house. Deakin is a wild man so meanwhile I was trying to make sure he wasn't running off into the sunset. So I was distracted and in a hurry and as a result I shut the sliding door of our 12 seating full sized van on my right thumb. Hard. I mean, I've never slammed a finger like this. I gasped and fell to the grass in an attempt to released my muscles and relax and started doing those nice diaphramic breaths that help during labor. ; ) Darby started running around looking for some way to help and I just told her to watch Deakin. I walked around some holding my thumb before I realized it was bleeding, from where I did not care, I was too scared to look. I got to my purse and dumped out all my homeopathics with my left hand and rummaged around until I found hypericum and arnica and rescue remedy. Taking those with my left hand was impressive. Then I figured it was time to get some help. Bryse was still sitting in the van waiting to be carried in and the yard was littered with our stuff that needed to be put away! I thought, "I just need help getting everything in the house!" Darby got me a wet wash cloth as I was still bleeding and I went over to our neighbor's house. When they came to the door is when I started crying, "I need help!" then the blubbering started, "Bryse had surgery in Kansas City today and I just shut my thumb in the van door and can't stand to look at it!" They were so sweet. Came over and brought everything in for me and I got the kids started on dinner. It had been about thiry minutes since we got home and all I had was about an hour until bedtime. But I started thinking about all the stuff that needed to be put away, not mention changing Deakin's diaper and putting him in pajamas is a work out! So I texted my pastor's wife and asked if she could help. She's great, good calming presence that had four children of her own that are all grown. She said that my thumb didn't look too bad (I still couldn't look). And she helped a ton for the next hour. Wrestling Deakin into his pjs, reading the kids their bible story before bed while I nursed Deakin, putting things away for me. It was great. I finally wrapped the thumb but kept having to change the bandaging because it was still bleeding. I did several alternative things for gaurding against infection and eventually got the bleeding to stop 3 hours after it happened. Took 4 ibuprofen and went to sleep. It hurt for two days like there was something broken but the joints were all fine. From the top knuckle up was where the damage was. Now it's mainly numb on top and sore on the left side. The bruising is simmering down and looks and feels better but the swelling still hasn't gone down. I still can't use it, although it doesn't kill me everytime I bump it into anything anymore, thankfully! I am amazed at the amount of stuff I can't do without that blasted thumb! Or atleast, the things that are soooo hard to do without it. Folding laundry, washing dishes, changing a diaper, buttoning pants, cutting with a knife, turing a page in a book, tuning the key in the ignition.... I mean, seriously!! Anyway, so that is why I have not been good at texting or typing in the last week. God bless three families through this that have helped! Our Bible study leader's wife came over and cleaned my kitchen and dining room the next day. And an elder from church and his familiy came over and dusted and vacuumed and did some man stuff for me too. Airing up the tires on the kids bikes and checking fluids in the truck and playing with the boys. Praise the Lord!
The church also brought Bryse a basket of flowers. She is so quiet about those things. But after two days of admiring the flowers she finally said, "Mom, I want you to tell the whole church that those flowers just blessed my heart so much." Those of you that know Bryse know that is quite a statement from her!
1 Comment
On Tuesday we woke at 5:15am and headed to Kansas City. Darby spent the day with a friend down the road and the boys came with us. Bryse was very excited. The Children's Hospital is totally geared toward kids so that was nice. She got to play with Barbies while we waited to meet with the surgeon and anesthesiologist. We got to talk to daddy on the phone right before the surgery. He was very upset about not being there. After the surgery they sent the doc to tell me how it went. And then I had to wait for her to wake up fully before they would let me see her. In all the surgery took about an hour and the waking up was another 45 minutes or so. She is recovering well. She is not a fan of the tylenol/codiene they sent home with us. She doesn't care much for regular tylenol either. She has mainly been asking for arnica. She says the "big medicine" makes her lazy. ; ) She asked if I had any medicine that would make her wild and hyper again. I told her, sadly, no. She is walking on her own now and taking the stairs in the house well too. She uses a large sword-like flash light that belongs to Cal as a cane. She thinks that is cool. I have a few more things to share about the surgery but I will save that for later. Not much time now.
Lately I have been praying very hard for the Lord to pull me to Him. I don't have the strength to hold myself to God's side while everything else rips me away. I have to beg Him to keep me, to hold me tighter.
Things are tough right now. Each child has their own difficulty at the moment. All of which are sorta new to me. All of which tempt me to look down on myself. To feel like a failure. To think this parenting thing is about ME and not God's glory. I can't keep up with the housekeeping. I can't keep up with the yard work. We have three birthdays coming up and then the holidays. And homeschooling just sucks right now. Every ounce of my flesh wants to push against these difficulties and hide inside of a fiction novel. To eat a bunch of sweets and just sit and think about myself. While my spirit is trying to reach out to God for help. Sweets and fiction vs God. Flesh vs Spirit. I'm tired. The sweets and fiction look soooo good. But the Holy Spirit whispers, "No. That's not the answer. Draw near to me." Ignoring the kids and having "me time" looks soooo good. But the Holy Spirit says, "No. They are your mission. Persevere with My strength." This will be the fight for the rest of my days on this earth. Fighting back the flesh and resting in the Spirit. Like different poles on a magnet. One pushes away, the other pulls toward. Bryse has her surgery appointment in the morning at 8:30. We will be leaving the house by 6am to get there in time. Darby is hanging out with a friend down the street for the day. Bryse is feeling better about it, not as scared as she was a week ago. I'm trying to get the house ready so that I have less work when we get back for a few days. I've been cooking more freezer meals too, so that should make life easier. And I'm putting Jack in the kennel for a couple of nights. And that's all! Did more videoing this week than pictures. Plus I'm pretty bogged down lately.
http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/09/whole-hearted-motherhood-minus-the-guilt.html This blog post greatly encouraged me and just solidified some things I've been thinking on lately. I suppose this would've started with marriage with us. Or, me, anyway. Early in our marriage I knew the right thing to do! Stay married! Serve my husband! Keep the house clean and cook! These are what makes you a better wife, do them. So I did them and did them and did them and grew more and more bitter. I was worried too much about doing the right thing and not begging the Lord to help my heart. I did the right thing even when I hated it with every strand of my being! I suffered from many years of bitterness because of this. Bitterness that caused me to be so angry at friends that got divorces because I was jealous that they were getting out! Fast forward to motherhood, same thing. I was only happy when the kids were blessing me and every other time I was tired and bitter and annoyed! Then I would feel guilty for my crappy attitude and just try harder to do the right thing. (I'm a champion do-righter) It took a long time for the Lord to open my heart and show me that I had a selfish, prideful heart. That just because I did right didn't mean that I wasn't sinning constantly in my effort to do right. Because why am I doing right? What am I earning? "We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." Isaiah 64:6 Below is a fantastic sermon by Matt Chandler. Around minute 29 is what spoke to me the most. This was me! I was not familiar with the character and nature of God. The more aquainted I get with the nature and character of God the less I TRY to do good! Because I can't, but HE can!! Praise God, He can! And He has. I hope and pray that I will no longer do what is right because it is the right thing to do. But that I will do the right thing because the creator of all that is good commands it for HIS glory! Keeping in mind that I work on several posts for several weeks (sometimes months) before they are done and almost all of these are in regard to things the Lord has convicted my heart of.....many of which I'm so embarassed of it's hard to confess. But here we go....
assumption- (noun) A thing that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. slander- (noun) The action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation. (verb) Make a false and damaging statements about someone. I have been thinking on these things a lot lately. Just, how hurtful they are. How many times have I made assumptions about people and without checking with them first to make sure my assumption was correct, just shared my assumption? Many, many times. I had some people make completely absurd assumptions about myself a couple years ago and treat me differently according to these assumptions and it really hurt my feelings. Let's think of some scenerios here: - Seeing a homeless person on the side of the road and drawing a conclusion without knowing the details. - Hearing a brother or sister in Christ share a silent prayer request and spending too much brain energy trying to figure out what the prayer request actually is. Maybe even brainstorming with others about what it might be. - Seeing someone at the alter in church praying fervently and deciding that they are finally conquering that pet sin of their's. - Seeing a mom with one of her children with mixed matched shoes on and assuming that she is a permissive hippie mom that doesn't believe in instructing her children. (That's right people! I know you're making assumptions about me! Ha!) - A friend is in a gruff mood. Leaving all his friends to sit around and talk about what they think is wrong. When does an assumption become slander? When does making assumptions become busybodiness? Do we really have time to draw conclusions about others? Isn't all this just gossip? Yes. But I think in the church we have fooled ourselves into thinking that gossip only starts with, "I heard...." when really it can start with, "I'm worried about her, I think....". Well, if you're worried about her then talk to HER! Obviously there can be instances where we need to seek counsel, but I think we need to be very careful to not "seek counsel" with everyone for months on end before checking out our assumptions. We should not make assumptions about people. We should not slander or gossip about others. As christians we know this but are we really guarding our speech? For me, illiminating Facebook from my life has made a HUGE leap in the right direction regarding this. If I'm not exposed to little snipits (ie: random picture, status update) from people then I don't feel the urge to assume about them. Where as before I would lay awake at night wondering if "so&so" was doing "such&such". Would feel compelled to check their facebook, not because I wanted to check on them, but because I wanted to be in their business! Business that I lack the emotional energy to deal with! I should be spending my emotional energy on sticking my nose into what my kids are feeling, what my husband is doing or needs prayer for! Obviously, facebook is not evil. I think it's just me, I lack the maturity to deal with it right now. So I will remain away for a while longer. And happily, I might add. Me and the kids are tighter this way. I'm less stressed and have less noise in my head when I hit the pillow at night. The flip side of this is gaurding against worry over what other people are thinking or assuming or slandering about us. This, I would say, is my biggest problem. Or has been. I feel more freed from it now. Thank you, Lord! BUT, what was I doing when I was so worried about people assuming wrongly about me? Idolatry. That's what. Seems harsh, yes? Well, so it is. When I waste time worrying over what someone believes about me (whether right or wrong) I am saying that what God believes about me is not enough. And do you know what God believes/sees regarding me? Righteousness, perfection, Holiness through His son, Jesus Christ. I tell myself this a TON through out the day. Anytime I find myself thinking about what someone else might judge me for or if someone else supports this decision or that, or if they think I'm a good enough mom, or a good enough cook, or a good enough house keeper. I am redeemed. On every subject that matters, I'm covered by the Blood!!! My post titles are so creative and interesting. *sarcasm* So we have been battling this eye for three months now. In the last two weeks it got serious because I talked to the opthamologist and he said that if we didn't get it drained then he wanted to put her under and drain it himself in the OR. No thank you! So we started doing hot compresses three-four times a day. Below is what it looked like before we started the hot compresses. Below here is when it was at it's worse a few hours before it started draining! The hot compresses made it swell much more, it seemed. Until a few days ago it was huge! It spent a few days draining, mainly the most in one day with an hour or so of mama massaging it and really workin' it. Now it seems to be empty! There is still a bump but it feels like a popped bubble wrap bubble. Kind of weird. But no more redness or pain! So here's hoping that we are all fixed up! ; ) And on a Bryse subject but veering away from the eye: we are headed to Kansas City's Children's Hospital on October 23rd for her to have two hernias surgically removed from her stomach. We have had many second opinions and given it much time to heal on it's own and it hasn't. Total we have had two Family Prac docs see it, one pediatrician, one naturepath/ped doc, one surgeon, and two pediatric surgeons. So yeah, we feel pretty good about the choice but still yet anxious about it. I'm thankful it is Bryse. She is my toughy and while she says she's scared I think she will do well. Prayers are welcomed! Peace for her little soul and calmness for mine as well. My parents will be driving up for the day to help me with the other kids.
|
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
Categories
All
|