Lately I have been praying very hard for the Lord to pull me to Him. I don't have the strength to hold myself to God's side while everything else rips me away. I have to beg Him to keep me, to hold me tighter.
Things are tough right now. Each child has their own difficulty at the moment. All of which are sorta new to me. All of which tempt me to look down on myself. To feel like a failure. To think this parenting thing is about ME and not God's glory. I can't keep up with the housekeeping. I can't keep up with the yard work. We have three birthdays coming up and then the holidays. And homeschooling just sucks right now. Every ounce of my flesh wants to push against these difficulties and hide inside of a fiction novel. To eat a bunch of sweets and just sit and think about myself. While my spirit is trying to reach out to God for help. Sweets and fiction vs God. Flesh vs Spirit. I'm tired. The sweets and fiction look soooo good. But the Holy Spirit whispers, "No. That's not the answer. Draw near to me." Ignoring the kids and having "me time" looks soooo good. But the Holy Spirit says, "No. They are your mission. Persevere with My strength." This will be the fight for the rest of my days on this earth. Fighting back the flesh and resting in the Spirit. Like different poles on a magnet. One pushes away, the other pulls toward. Bryse has her surgery appointment in the morning at 8:30. We will be leaving the house by 6am to get there in time. Darby is hanging out with a friend down the street for the day. Bryse is feeling better about it, not as scared as she was a week ago. I'm trying to get the house ready so that I have less work when we get back for a few days. I've been cooking more freezer meals too, so that should make life easier. And I'm putting Jack in the kennel for a couple of nights.
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LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
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