http://www.passionatehomemaking.com/2012/09/whole-hearted-motherhood-minus-the-guilt.html This blog post greatly encouraged me and just solidified some things I've been thinking on lately. I suppose this would've started with marriage with us. Or, me, anyway. Early in our marriage I knew the right thing to do! Stay married! Serve my husband! Keep the house clean and cook! These are what makes you a better wife, do them. So I did them and did them and did them and grew more and more bitter. I was worried too much about doing the right thing and not begging the Lord to help my heart. I did the right thing even when I hated it with every strand of my being! I suffered from many years of bitterness because of this. Bitterness that caused me to be so angry at friends that got divorces because I was jealous that they were getting out! Fast forward to motherhood, same thing. I was only happy when the kids were blessing me and every other time I was tired and bitter and annoyed! Then I would feel guilty for my crappy attitude and just try harder to do the right thing. (I'm a champion do-righter) It took a long time for the Lord to open my heart and show me that I had a selfish, prideful heart. That just because I did right didn't mean that I wasn't sinning constantly in my effort to do right. Because why am I doing right? What am I earning? "We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. We all fade like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away." Isaiah 64:6 Below is a fantastic sermon by Matt Chandler. Around minute 29 is what spoke to me the most. This was me! I was not familiar with the character and nature of God. The more aquainted I get with the nature and character of God the less I TRY to do good! Because I can't, but HE can!! Praise God, He can! And He has. I hope and pray that I will no longer do what is right because it is the right thing to do. But that I will do the right thing because the creator of all that is good commands it for HIS glory!
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