Two Saturdays ago my sis was here with her boys (2 and 4 years old). We transferred their carseats into my big van, packed up our swimming suits, grabbed towels, floaties, goggles, and packed the kids into the van to head to the seminary for a swim. While we were buckling all the kids into their carseats The Boy(7 yrs old) wondered off to the other side of the swimming pool to look through the rocks. He found two shells and glanced up just in time to see the back of the van disappear behind the house and down the driveway. He jumped up and sprinted after the van yelling for me. He chased the van down our driveway and down the street about 50 yards before giving up. He thought, "Oh well, she will realize I'm not there and come back." He walked back to the house and sat in the sun room (because the house was locked up). After a while he thought to go to our neighbor's house. He walked over there, almost knocked, but decided against it because he was sure I would be back soon. He was crying and standing in the driveway watching for my van to return when the previously mentioned neighbor left her house to find him.
I did not realize he was gone. The Boy is notoriously quiet. About 20 minutes into our drive Tender looked behind her and saw The Boy's empty booster seat and yelled , "MOM! Where's The Boy?!" I looked into the rearview mirror and saw where we had his booster seat stationed and felt like I'd fallen off the top of the house. "Oh MY GOSH!!! This is my worst nightmare!!" Seriously, I've dreaded and feared leaving specifically The Boy since he was born. He was quiet even then and I just knew he would be a victim of my mommy brain. I didn't know if we had locked him in the house or if he was wondering the neighborhood. When I remembered that he has a tendency to ignore me and wonder off into the yard to explore while we are loading up I conjured up the worst possible shame, of him actually seeing me leave him and trying to flag me down while I abandoned him. Robert was at the seminary waiting for us and as I picked up the phone to call him, he happened to called me. I told him he needed to call our neighbors immediately and ask them to run over to the house and see if they can find The Boy. Robert let me know that the exit I was planning on using to get home quick was closed for road work just in time for me to swerve through two lanes to my last possible exit to turn around at. At that point I most likely would've driven around in a circle, speeding, and hyperventilating if it weren't for my sister in the van rerouting our way back to the interstate to get us home ASAP. The neighbor found The Boy in the driveway and kept him company for the 15 or so minutes more they had to wait. I sped like a freak and contemplated putting on my flashers until Robert called to let me know he was safe with the neighbor. When we were nearing the house Tender realized that Wild Man was really quiet and asked him if he was okay. He said, "Yeah, I'm just freaked out cuz we left The Boy home all alone." I pictured arriving and him sobbing and hugging me. But he didn't. He looked brave and talked to me very little. I don't know if that is because he is just getting older or if he was kinda mad at me. So in conclusion, we are doing a role call from now on when we go anywhere. This may seem extreme to some but I'm very aware of my weaknesses and the condition of my brain. I joke all the time and tell people that with each pregnancy the child took more of my brain. I seriously don't have space in there for useless stuff. Lack of sleep, research and teaching the three that are homeschooling, praying and thinking about how to disciple all of them, loving and learning with my husband. It's all gone and we are dangerously close to proving to every hateful person who might say, "They can't take care of all those kids" that they might be kinda right!! Actually, they are totally right, we can't. But God.... Ephesians 2:1-10 On an unrelated topic, recently one of the pastors at our church shared a great message about discernment: http://cliftonbaptist.org/sermons-and-audio/?sermon_id=758 I highly recommend it! I will likely try to listen to it again soon. I'm sure there is more to update you on, but sharing about my heart stopping screw up has taken it out of me so that is all for now. Here are some pics:
2 Comments
When I had 3 children I had my junk together! I was on top of it, totally in control, and very impressed with myself over all. I had weaknesses, to be sure, but they weren't very big and I was pretty self reliant, independent. The world finds this lovely, but God does not. Independence and self reliance are the opposite of what God wants from us. He wants us broken, needy, and clinging to him. The Gospel is this! You have NO hope of saving yourself with any of your deeds. You must run to Christ for his work on the cross for your only hope. Once you are resting under the cross and Jesus' deeds then, and only then will you find strength. Then God calls you to be strong, because He knows your strength is from Him and not you. There are far too many verses that teach this. Far too many stories that show this. Read your bible, it's everywhere! "For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes." Jeremiah 31:25 "He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He gives power." Isaiah 49:20 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:17 After Jasper died it stripped me of any dependence on myself. I couldn't do simple stuff without falling a part. I'm so thankful the Lord did this to me. It caused me to run to Him for strength instead of digging around inside of myself. Then He gifted me with Wild Man, another strike against my abilities. Then the Lord called me to homeschool, something He knew very well I could NOT do without Him. Then He gave me two more children and a broken husband for a couple of years. God does NOT look around the world for who is strongest to send trials to because He knows they can "handle it". He know's His children's hearts, He knows who thinks they don't need help and He fixes that right up. Be strong in the Lord, friends. Do NOT be strong in yourself. You are a dead end. God is infinite. In the morning when I wake, I count off all the things I am incapable of doing without the Lord. And then I beg for help from Him who gives freely and without reproach (James 1:5). Starting with cooking breakfast. I'm not smart enough to teach my children. I have no patience to discipline them in love. My memory fails me in all the things that need to be done. I don't have the energy to serve all day. My life is FULL to the brim of "can'ts". I throw them to the Lord and then wait for Him to pour the grace over me that will enable me to the do all the things I can't. And He does. If He calls you to something, He is faithful to give you what you need to be faithful in that task. For His glory, not your's, because He made you able. Last week I screwed up big time (I will share about that next time). I plummeted down into despair for several days. Just so angry with myself for my inabilities. And then I reminded myself of the Gospel. That I can't put my hope in myself. If my hope is in the Lord, then my failures won't destroy me because they will just point me to the Lord and His grace. I don't have to have my junk together. Because my hope is not in me. "My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness. I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean of Jesus' name. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand. All other ground is sinking sand." Hmmm....how ironic is it that I have a Wild Man under my roof that sings that song at the top of his lungs several times a day?? In other news: My Hurricane turns 9 today!! We spent a whole morning at the seminary and ate lunch at the cafeteria (which is what she wanted to do). I cooked blueberry muffins for breakfast and taco salad for dinner, at her request. And instead of a cake we made rice crispy treats and brownies. But no candles or singing because she says she's too old for that now. Sigh. |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
Categories
All
|