If I had to pick a phrase that best sums up my thoughts most of the day, this would be it. "I don't wanta." I say it to myself like a beligerant three year old whining and crying over the injustice of my life. Let me paint you a picture:
I just got the girls settled down for their quiet time. I hurriedly get Cal settled down for his naptime (after MUCH debating and disciplining). I get Deakin nursed to sleep for his nap. I frantically hurry about the kitchen cleaning up lunch, doing dishes, and getting it spick and span. Quickly clean anything else up that the kids have gotten out. Transfer clothes from the washing machine to the dryer. Scoop up a snack and a glass of water for myself. Rush down the stairs to my favorite most comfy recliner and sit down with my latest book to just relax for the first time all day. Five minutes later one of three things happens. 1) Cal gets up and takes a dump and needs me to wipe his bum. 2)The girls break out into an all out war and I need to go upstairs and hand out discipline and teach them how to work out their differences. OR 3) Deakin wakes up having pooped in his diaper and thinks it's party time once again. My first thought? "I don't wanta." And I don't mean a meek little "I don't wanta" I mean an all out BIG 'ol pity party "IT'S NOT FAIR! I DON'T WANTA!!! I DESERVE JUST A FEW MINUTES OF ME TIME! I DON'T WANTA!!!! I NEED THIS DOWN TIME! I DON'T WANTA!!! BOO HOO! ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!" That's basically what it sounds like in my head a LOT of the day. It can be a situation like this one or something as simple as driving down the road and Darby asks a question that I just don't want to answer out of thought laziness. (my brain runs on empty a lot) I started reading The Mortification of Sin by John Owen a couple weeks ago. It's quite short but very old, so the writing is in depth and hard to understand sometimes. But Mr. Edwards is brilliant and sites scripture for everything he says. The main subject of this book is how we, as Believers, are to deal with this leftover sin in our lives. That we can't just stop doing it, we can't strive to stay away from it, we must mortify it, kill it, smother it EVERY day! And since we are wimpy humans (my words, not his) the Holy Spirit must do this for us. It is a daily reliance we must bring into our relationship with the Lord. Repeatedly seeking the Holy Spirit for the endurance to face down this enemy! I could highlight this whole book. So much is worth sharing. But right now I'm just going to cover one part. "Now, as you may see in a garden, let there be a precious herb planted, and let the ground be untilled, and weeds grow about it, perhaps it will live still, but be a poor, withering, unuseful thing. You must look and search for it, and sometimes can scarce find it; and when you do, you can scarce know it, whether it be the plant you look for or no; and suppose it be, you can make no use of it at all. When, let another of the same kind be set in the ground, naturally as barren and bad as the other, but let it be well weeded, and every thing that is noxious and hurtful removed from it, -- it flourishes and thrives; you may see it at first look into the garden, and have it for your use when you please. So it is with the graces of the Spirit that are planted in our hearts." -John Owen Weeding a garden is HARD work. Somedays I would want to skip it because it was so tedious and boring. And maybe that one little tiny weed won't hurt anything so I'll skip it. THIS is a perfect analogy of sin in the Christian's life. This "small" sin of mine (one of the MANY), the "I don't wanta" sin, is down right selfishness. A lack of a servant's heart. Laziness. NOW, before you try to stick up for me and say, "But, Lindsey, you DO need a break from time to time!" "God wants you to be happy!" "Rest will make you a better mother!" just STOP. Get behind me, satan, as Jesus once said. Because if I recall, Jesus was fixing to do something He really didn't want to do either. If I allow this sin to keep growing there is no telling where it will go. No doubt the enemy's goal is ALWAYS to do the best. The enemy doesn't stop with thoughts. It strives and fights until it succeeds in everything! Which is why we must be striving and fighting even harder to keep sin out! "be killing sin or it will be killing you."- John Owen "Sin aims always at the utmost; every time it rises up to tempt or entice, might it have its own course, it would go out to the utmost sin in that kind. Every unclean thought or glance would be adultery if it could; every covetous desire would be oppression, every thought of unbelief would be atheism, might it grow to its head." -John Owen So my prayer lately has been an ernest plea to the Holy Spirit to mortify my selfishness. To make in me a humble servant's heart. The world tells us to serve ourselves. Heck! Even many christians and churches will tell you to serve yourself. But the Bible never said any such thing. Service is the center of the Christian faith. Not just service as a missionary or pastor, but service in every aspect of life. So if I DO get a break at naptime? It is NEVER because I am entitled to it or it's fair that I have one or that I deserve it. It's just a blessing, and I will be thankful for the five minutes I sat on my comfy recliner with my snack and book. : ) His grace is sufficient to carry me through the rest of the day. http://bible.org/seriespage/mark-8-heart-servant That is what the Lord has been teaching me through His word lately. What has He been teaching you?
0 Comments
Bryse turned 5! I deal with guilt over Bryse's birthday for several reasons. First, she is the middle child. Second the oldest child and the youngest (until recently) child have birthdays one week apart. So when it's party time for them, it's like, Yeay! It's ALL about Cal and Darby for over a week. And Bryse is just not involved much. So by the time she waits and waits and waits for her birthday to come around (for a whole two months, ha!) I want it to be nice and exciting for her. But this year we had JUST moved. So we didn't have any friends or even know of any place to take her for fun on her birthday. Blessedly, Memaw and Papa came to visit for her birthday. We went to the local mall for the first time to play at the playplace there only to realize there was no play place there. : ( But she got to pick the restaurant we went to (McAlister's) and even got to roast hot dogs in the fire place the next day for lunch. AND she got to pick exactly what kind of cake she wanted. I think I may cater too much because her main anthem for the last week has been, "But it's MY birthday and we do whatever I want!" We are doing some big changes in the kitchen of our new house. It's much too small for our large family and the amount of cooking I do. Our list of to dos include: remove all wall paper, paint, put up shelves, install a new cabinet with more counter top space, get a pot rack, change the light, change the original cabinets in some way, buy an armour for storing our plates and bowls, make a new kitchen table that will seat 8-10.
So far we have bought a cabinet on craigslist. Robert has fixed it to be appropriate for our kitchen, bought and applied a counter top to coordinate with the rest of the kitchen, installed the cabinet (which included moving an outlet up a few feet) and started removing the paint from the wood paneling in the kitchen. (Yes, there is wood paneling, and for some reason, it is painted green.) The kitchen is numero uno on our list to get done because it's sort of a mess right now and it's hard to get around in while cooking. We also will be needing to buy some furniture for the upstairs living room. It's basically empty right now. Also, I am going to start blogging on here more often starting soon. I've decided to back away from Facebook and move more toward blogging as a time saver. I plan to blog once or twice a week and only go on facebook if I have to. Which will make it harder to keep up with some people, but I really just don't have the time to do that right now. Eventually I might. But by blogging I can keep more people informed about our life if they care to come on and read. We will see how that goes. : ) |
LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
January 2022
Categories
All
|