I've been thinking about addressing this for some time, but have hesitated because it's quite a personal issue. My main goal in sharing the why we do the things we do series is for folks that maybe haven't thought of things from another point of view or anybody just interested in learning why people do things the way they do. I know I enjoy it! Whenever I hear of people that made different choices than us I want to ask and talk about it. Most of the time I hear the same old, same old reasons, but occasionally you hear something new that you never thought about! : ) And that is exciting, I think. Also, I want to address some hurtful things in this area of discussion. So here we go! If you don't care why we didn't circumcise our son, then don't read this.
When we were pregnant with Cal and my all-knowing mom did her discerning gift and announced she was just SURE he would be a boy, I started reading, listening, praying and thinking. I had only EVER met one child that was not circumcised. And because of this and both sides of our families raising us to never really think about not circumcising we were both leaning toward circumcising. So it was definatly out of my comfort zone to even think about not going through with the surgery. But then again, as a mama, emotionally I couldn't even bare the thought of putting my first son through a surgical precedure at such a young age!! So, I figured, if I could find a good enough reason to get him circumcised then I would be able to ignore those emotional issues and do the logical thing! So that was my goal in looking into it. To find a good enough reason to circumcise! : ) I couldn't. Man, I tried too. I talked to friends that circumcised their sons, hoping each time that they would offer a really great medical reason to get it done routinely. I joined online forums for strictly PRO circumcision mommies where they bashed mamas that didn't circ and shared why they did. And still, nothing. Everyone I ever talked to had only the main reason of cosmetics. No one can argue that there are any studies showing a great list of pros for routinely circing babies. And all the medical groups say that there aren't enough pros to outwiegh the risks of the procedure in routine cases. Sigh, I had only forced myself to leaning more toward not circing my son. Which was scary to me, to be honest! And all for silly, superficial reasons. Like, I wasn't used to seeing that! What if I thought it looked wierd! Or, we live in an area where MOST babies are circed! People will think we are wierdos! So I presented all my research and opinions to Robert. He is, after all, the leader of our house and happens to be a male! So I would never make a decision without his support or leadership! I told him that i would honor whatever he decided but that I really was hoping that he would have a better reason than cosmetics. We talked and talked and talked about it. He picked our midwive's brains about it (who both had several sons that were not circed), he talked to buddies about it(who all balked and told him it would be cruel of him to NOT circ his kid because then he would get made fun of in the locker room), and then we discussed the idea that we would have to pay out of pocket for the (what we believed at that point) cosmetic surgery because medicaid in Missouri had stopped covering it, since it wasn't medically necessary. SO! We decided not to. For all the reasons why people don't. The only medical reasons why people DO circ could also benefit little girls if they were circumcised as well (which they do in some countries). And we didn't want to teach our children that surgery is necessary for any cosmetic reason. When one of his buddies cornered me and told me "I had no idea!" That i was setting my son up for horrible teasing in the locker room. I couldn't help but think, yeah, but I got teased for being flat chested in high school.....does that mean I should get my girls boob jobs when they hit puberty to help them dodge this teasing? This argument didn't hold any water for us. We did not circumcise Cal and won't circumcise any other sons we have. And the main reason is because we couldn't find a good enough reason to have the surgery preformed. I've gotten over my issues of people thinking we are wierd and have such peace about our decision. As I hope anybody does about parenting. I don't care what anyone else does, this is what we did and why. NOW!!! To address something that HAS bothered me since we did this. I have heard moms that chose to circ their son say this, "I think uncircumcised penises are gross/wierd/funky looking!" Now. The reason you say that is because you are used to looking at circed penises. If you were used to looking at uncirced penises, you wouldn't say that. And just for a moment, if you have ever said that, just for a moment! Stop and think about what you are saying. About.....my.....son's body part that God gave him. Seriously, just think about it for me. Now, how would you feel if I said your baby's face was funky/wierd/gross looking? Who in their right mind says such a hurtful thing about an innocent baby's body part?! It astounds me. And I think that we need to stop and think before we speak. Seriously.
5 Comments
Cindy P.
4/11/2011 03:09:17 am
I agree, Lindsey! We decided against circumcision primarily because of my involvement with La Leche League (as a Leader therein,) and that was that. I left it up to Gary entirely, but we couldn't find a good reason to have it done - like you, the only reason we could find was fear of nonconformity, and that certainly wasn't enough to warrant surgery. We were told mainly that the Bible advised this procedure, but we found that it was a sign of the Old Covenant of works - and other than that, nobody had much of an argument that made sense to us. Our son is now 26 and married - I don't know about locker room teasing, because he was home-schooled through high school. But he has never, ever said anything to us to cast aspersion on our decision not to have him circumcised. And it is always good for parents to remember that parents don't make these types of decisions because they are lazy, ill-informed or mentally deranged - going "against the grain" usually takes a great deal of time, energy and research (and don't forget prayer.)
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Jasmine
4/11/2011 03:49:23 am
You met several more uncirced boys you just didn't know it!! All 5 of our boys are intact. I did the same as you did and Ron made the same choice Robert made. Tre is 12 (the other boys are 8, 6, 4, and 1)and never had any issues medical or social. :)
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Betsy
4/12/2011 10:33:27 am
Another thing that people could think about... although most men do grow up and are happy with what they have, whether circumcised or not (assuming no major surgical complications, of course), this aspect is still worth considering, IMO.
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Betsy
4/12/2011 10:35:08 am
And I loved your post too, BTW! Thank you so much for writing it!
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Betsy
4/12/2011 10:39:49 am
And I loved your post too, BTW! Thank you so much for writing it!
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