This is more of a question than statement. I'm curious as to what other parents do. (You know, so I can compare and maybe learn something new! Ha! That is in reference to a previous blog) I'm not talking about the irrational fears of things that go bump in the night or monsters or ghosts. Not those things. But things like harmless bugs, sensor toilets, new people, or noises. I have this really firm belief that if I allow my children to continue to be afraid of things that aren't worthy of fear, then I am crippling them. I don't know if it's true, it's just how I view it. Not to say that if my daughter has a fear of bugs I'm going to throw her into a box filled with them, but just that I don't ever cater to that fear.
Here's an example. This morning one of my daughters refused to get some dog food for our dog because she swore she saw a "black hornet" in the garage the day before. I put my foot down and told her that she was not allowed to do anything until she fed the dog. She cried and complained for about 45 minutes and then I grabbed her, took her in the garage and made her stand there until she calmed down. Then I made her look for the "black hornet" (which I believe was never there in the first place. This particular child is a master of letting her mind run away with her. All you have say is "bug" and she starts scratching and twitching). Ofcourse, we did not find it. I explained to her that it was all in her mind and she was letting a fictional fear mess up her whole day! I took her back in the house and then left her there again to go get the dog food by herself. I refused to help her or let any of the other kids go with her. Now, I kept praying and thinking all through this ordeal and asking myself if I was being too hard on her. I don't want to be mean, but I don't want her to let irrational fear rule her life! If there had actually been a hornet in the garage I wouldn't have dreamed of making her do it by herself. Good grief!! I probably wouldn't have gone in there! Ha! Another example. My younger daughter is super fun and not fearful of much. BUT she has some social issues. She's not crazy about meeting new people and I've even caught her glaring at strangers who pay her a sweet compliment. I think glaring is how she deals with shyness. Which can be embarassing! There have been times where a child on the playground will say hi to her, she'll glare at them and then run over to me all smiles talking about how the child said hi to her!! So confusing. Anyway, I believe this is another irrational fear, she is afraid to talk to new people. Which as a parent, I'm fine with her being weary of strangers. But if I'm right there, keeping her safe, I expect her to atleast be friendly. Even if that means smiling only! I just can't let her glare and hide behind my skirts. Shouldn't she learn that the majority of new people or children that she meets are perfectly fine to speak to? I don't expect her to by like her older sister and trip over herself to make a new friend. But a little bit of politness should be expected I think. There is just a fine line here between catering to irrational fears and forcing a child to be too tough. There must be a middle ground where we teach them that some things are okay to be afraid of and somethings, we gotta get over! We are equiping them for being adults. Obviously, I'm not talking about a small baby with a fear of being away from mom and dad. That needs to be catered to. But just, as they get older and are able to understand that you've got their back, that they don't need to live in fear of irrational things. I believe my husband would call this "exposure therapy". : ) He's a big fan of that.
2 Comments
Kim
8/6/2011 02:31:39 pm
We were unable to talk your sister out of her bug fears, but she definetley out grew them.
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Dave
8/8/2011 04:12:55 am
Hey Lindsy!
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LindseyI'm the mama and wife. Updating you on our life! Archives
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