This morning I needed to run to Lowe's to see about some compost for the new strawberry plant I bought. On the way Bryse asked if we could go to the mall and see the water fountain. I didn't have any other plans or appointments so I figured, why not? I used to do these types of outings with the kids often. Unnecessary, unhurried, and unscheduled. They are so wonderful! But it's been ages since we have, so we had fun! Granted, we go to the park and such, but especially here in Georgia, I don't enjoy the park much. The two summers we've been here I've been pregnant and the heat drives to me to distraction anyway! So I always end up rushing park visits because of heat and uncomfortablness. The mall is air conditioned! And something happened there that threw me deep into thought and I just had to share! : ) We got to the mall around 10:30 and hung out at the fountains. I emptied all my change and the kids threw coins non stop! Then we went into the mall and walked around a bit. We got some lunch. As a side note, I got some chinese and actually took the food back and asked for a refund! I have never done anything like that in my life! But it was AWFUL! I couldn't believe it! Then we meandered on down to The Children's Place to see about sun glasses for the kids. Cal and Bryse, my fair haired ones, especially need them. They go to sneezing and whining as soon as we are in the sun. But I went ahead and bought a pair for all the kids (and an extra pair for Cal knowing that the first pair wouldn't last long). Also, we spent about 10 minutes looking at the boy glasses because the only pair Cal liked was bright red and there was only one left and it was too small. I tried forever to get him to like another pair. No way! He wanted the little red pair! Gah! Finally right before I payed I said, "Oh Cal! We can't get these! They are baby glasses! You need big kid glasses! HERE! Here are some big kid glasses!" And shoved a pair of camo ones at him in his size. His eyes got big and he said "Bii Kii gasses?! Yeah!" Wow. Seriously, the simplisity of negotiating is amazing sometimes. Then we bought some cookies and went back to the fountain before we left. We ate our cookies admired the fountain and then came home for naptime. Also, another little simple trick I've learned when leaving somewhere that Cal doesn't exactly want to leave right then. "Say bye bye to the water Cal!" Any dawdling that has been occuring stops immeadiatly, he turns says bye to whatever inanimate object we are leaving and comes running! As opposed to grabbing him and carrying him kicking and screaming away. Although, I won't say it works everytime, but almost! This is why I think these types of outings are perfect. I'm not rushing anyone! The kids basically get to choose where we go and what we do. This is one of the main reasons why I try to keep our schedules as calm as possible! A hurried kid is a stressed kid! And to be honest, a hurrying mama is a stressed mama! We know that we all must at some point, but my goal is to keep it at a minimum. The reason why I love taking the kids to the mall is because there is much to see and little to spend. The reason why I love taking them there on a weekday is because there aren't many people there! : ) So I can allow them more freedom. If we are there and it's busy, then Cal and Bryse have to hold hands with an adult. But when it's calm we have a loose rule of, run on a head for 10-20 feet but check back behind you and wait up for us if we are too far behind. Cal doesn't understand that rule yet. So it's more of just reminding him to wait up. Or more often, like today, me just stopping, leaning up against a wall and watching Cal and Bryse chatter and point at whatever they have stopped at. Eventually they are ready to move on and they were safe the whole time. Two things I believe about keeping our children safe with us: 1) Give as much freedom as humanly possible while keeping them safe AND making sure they are polite to others around. 2) They learn how to act, are not forced to. In other words, there is a mom that wrote a book (haven't read it yet) and has a website called Raising Godly Tomatoes. I don't agree with everything she says, but still enjoy reading her stuff and finding little treasures. One thing she says is that SHE doesn't not hold her child's hand in the parking lot. Her CHILD holds her hand in the parking lot. So it's not, her clenching onto a screaming child's hand thru the parking lot. It's her child, seeing a parking lot is coming and going to her outstretched hand and grabbing hold. I LOVE this! And granted it's easier to teach with some children then others. Darby's lesson: She was about 18 months and I said, "Darby you have to hold mommy's hand in the parking lot because if you don't you may get hurt by a car." Her eyes got big and she willingly held my hand EVERY time from then on. easy!! Bryse's lesson: Talking about dangers didn't work so I repeated myself for about a month or two, "Bryse, hold mommy's hand in the parking lot or you have to be carried." Any resistance to willingly holding my hand meant that I scooped her up and carried her. It's like a prison sentence to a new walker to have to be carried!! AUGH! So after a couple of months she got the picture. ; ) Cal's lesson: Very similar to Bryse. Although, he's not 100% there, but almost. So knowing all this about me, here is what happened that shocked me today.
The kids were jogging up ahead of me, maybe 8 or so feet ahead. I was following and a little old lady stopped me and said, "I got screamed at for it, but I used harnesses with my little ones when they were that age. Every one thought I was so cruel, but they were safer that way! You should get some!" Does someone ever say something to you and it's so shocking that you can't comprehend what has just been said until after they walk away? That is what happened here. I smiled and nodded and as she walked away it sunk in what she said and I was shocked! Ha! My kids weren't screaming, they were being VERY well behaved and barely anyone was around. If i wanted them to stop all I had to say was their names and they came to a screaching hault! What is wrong with that? They seemed perfectly safe to me. Yeah, teaching and talking and drilling how to act into their head is a lot more work then putting a harness on them. But I've always viewed parenting as working yourself out of a job. So that is what I'm doing. Teaching them how to be safe without me having to stand on top of them. So, no, sweet lady, I will not be getting harnesses for my kids. : ) I'm glad they worked for you, but I'm not feelin' it. The End!
2 Comments
Gretchen
5/2/2011 04:01:51 am
Isn't it amazing how someone can see the same thing and think that it isn't right? That does amaze me. I am very similar with my belief and I love giving my kids freedom when possible. The other day I went out with five little girls to walmart. In the parking lot we all held hands and people were oohing and awing. Inside they held the cart until we got back to the clothes area then I let them let go and pick out clothes as a team. It was so fun! Then it was funny to hear the people who would say, "I don't know how you do it." I said, "If we don't practice, then they wont ever get good at this." I was so proud of my little group. I would much rather teach them, then harness them.
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