If I had to pick a phrase that best sums up my thoughts most of the day, this would be it. "I don't wanta." I say it to myself like a beligerant three year old whining and crying over the injustice of my life. Let me paint you a picture:
I just got the girls settled down for their quiet time. I hurriedly get Cal settled down for his naptime (after MUCH debating and disciplining). I get Deakin nursed to sleep for his nap. I frantically hurry about the kitchen cleaning up lunch, doing dishes, and getting it spick and span. Quickly clean anything else up that the kids have gotten out. Transfer clothes from the washing machine to the dryer. Scoop up a snack and a glass of water for myself. Rush down the stairs to my favorite most comfy recliner and sit down with my latest book to just relax for the first time all day. Five minutes later one of three things happens. 1) Cal gets up and takes a dump and needs me to wipe his bum. 2)The girls break out into an all out war and I need to go upstairs and hand out discipline and teach them how to work out their differences. OR 3) Deakin wakes up having pooped in his diaper and thinks it's party time once again. My first thought? "I don't wanta." And I don't mean a meek little "I don't wanta" I mean an all out BIG 'ol pity party "IT'S NOT FAIR! I DON'T WANTA!!! I DESERVE JUST A FEW MINUTES OF ME TIME! I DON'T WANTA!!!! I NEED THIS DOWN TIME! I DON'T WANTA!!! BOO HOO! ME ME ME ME ME ME!!!!" That's basically what it sounds like in my head a LOT of the day. It can be a situation like this one or something as simple as driving down the road and Darby asks a question that I just don't want to answer out of thought laziness. (my brain runs on empty a lot) I started reading The Mortification of Sin by John Owen a couple weeks ago. It's quite short but very old, so the writing is in depth and hard to understand sometimes. But Mr. Edwards is brilliant and sites scripture for everything he says. The main subject of this book is how we, as Believers, are to deal with this leftover sin in our lives. That we can't just stop doing it, we can't strive to stay away from it, we must mortify it, kill it, smother it EVERY day! And since we are wimpy humans (my words, not his) the Holy Spirit must do this for us. It is a daily reliance we must bring into our relationship with the Lord. Repeatedly seeking the Holy Spirit for the endurance to face down this enemy! I could highlight this whole book. So much is worth sharing. But right now I'm just going to cover one part. "Now, as you may see in a garden, let there be a precious herb planted, and let the ground be untilled, and weeds grow about it, perhaps it will live still, but be a poor, withering, unuseful thing. You must look and search for it, and sometimes can scarce find it; and when you do, you can scarce know it, whether it be the plant you look for or no; and suppose it be, you can make no use of it at all. When, let another of the same kind be set in the ground, naturally as barren and bad as the other, but let it be well weeded, and every thing that is noxious and hurtful removed from it, -- it flourishes and thrives; you may see it at first look into the garden, and have it for your use when you please. So it is with the graces of the Spirit that are planted in our hearts." -John Owen Weeding a garden is HARD work. Somedays I would want to skip it because it was so tedious and boring. And maybe that one little tiny weed won't hurt anything so I'll skip it. THIS is a perfect analogy of sin in the Christian's life. This "small" sin of mine (one of the MANY), the "I don't wanta" sin, is down right selfishness. A lack of a servant's heart. Laziness. NOW, before you try to stick up for me and say, "But, Lindsey, you DO need a break from time to time!" "God wants you to be happy!" "Rest will make you a better mother!" just STOP. Get behind me, satan, as Jesus once said. Because if I recall, Jesus was fixing to do something He really didn't want to do either. If I allow this sin to keep growing there is no telling where it will go. No doubt the enemy's goal is ALWAYS to do the best. The enemy doesn't stop with thoughts. It strives and fights until it succeeds in everything! Which is why we must be striving and fighting even harder to keep sin out! "be killing sin or it will be killing you."- John Owen "Sin aims always at the utmost; every time it rises up to tempt or entice, might it have its own course, it would go out to the utmost sin in that kind. Every unclean thought or glance would be adultery if it could; every covetous desire would be oppression, every thought of unbelief would be atheism, might it grow to its head." -John Owen So my prayer lately has been an ernest plea to the Holy Spirit to mortify my selfishness. To make in me a humble servant's heart. The world tells us to serve ourselves. Heck! Even many christians and churches will tell you to serve yourself. But the Bible never said any such thing. Service is the center of the Christian faith. Not just service as a missionary or pastor, but service in every aspect of life. So if I DO get a break at naptime? It is NEVER because I am entitled to it or it's fair that I have one or that I deserve it. It's just a blessing, and I will be thankful for the five minutes I sat on my comfy recliner with my snack and book. : ) His grace is sufficient to carry me through the rest of the day. http://bible.org/seriespage/mark-8-heart-servant That is what the Lord has been teaching me through His word lately. What has He been teaching you?
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